The bible

Should you pull apart the bible?



1. The Jesus Loves Porn Stars Bible
The Jesus Loves Porn Stars Bible is part of a wider campaign

This arresting title is the work of the XXXChurch, an organisation that on
the one hand helps people addicted to porn, while on the other hand taking the
gospel into the porn industry. They print this Bible to give out free at porn
shows and industry conventions, distributing over 15,000 in 2007.

2. The Manga Bible - The
Manga Bible - NT Raw : Books - Free Delivery

The British Christian Ajin-bayo Akinsiku, known as Siku, tells the whole story
in the form of a graphic novel. Cain says to Abel, "Whassup, bro?"
Noah loads animals onto the ark, saying, "That's 11,344 animals? Arggh!
I've lost count again. I'm going to have to start from scratch!" Christ
strides out of the desert like a Marvel superhero.

It skimps on some of the less bloodthirsty episodes like the sermon on the
mount, but Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams is a fan, liking the way
it conveys "the shock and freshness of the Bible".

3. The Bible in Cockney - The
Bible in Cockney: Well Bits of it, Anyway.... : Books - Free Delivery

Cockney Bible

Former archbishop George Carey gave a thumbs up to the Cockney Bible

The rhyming slang version of the Bible was written by Mike Coles, an RE teacher
in Stepney, and started life as stories he told to his classes. In it, Jesus
feeds "five thousand geezers" with "five loaves of Uncle Fred
and two Lillian Gish". The Lord's Prayer morphs from "For thine is
the kingdom, the power and the glory" to "You're the Boss, God, and
will be for ever, innit?"

This one got the seal of approval of Rowan Williams's predecessor George Carey,
who grew up in London's East End, so must have known what he was rabbit and
porking about.

4. The Brick Testament - The
Brick Testament Free Delivery - Books - Search Results: The Brick Testament

This less-than-reverent online version by Brendan Powell Smith tells stories
from the Bible using Lego. It started life in 2001 with stories from Genesis
and today contains 391 stories with 4,214 illustrations. Though it is sometimes
satirical or tongue-in-cheek, it is often used by churches and Sunday schools,
and it's one of the versions that the Bible Society has welcomed as connecting
people with the Bible in a new way.

5. Inspired By… The Bible Experience

The Bible Experience

The Bible Experience is one for the iPod generation

And for the iPod generation, you can get the whole thing on your MP3 player,
read and performed by a Hollywood cast, including Forest Whitaker as Moses,
Cuba Gooding Jr as Jonah, and a possibly typecast Samuel L Jackson as God.

Perhaps the most surprising aspect of this new wave of Bibles is how sympathetic
the church is to people messing about with its sacred scriptures, whether in
wording or binding, no doubt reasoning that there can be some good in anything
that gets people hearing its stories.

bad parking

I hate people who park where they shouldn't. This car owner felt it was fine to park on the yellow lines. Don't think the bloke with the line painter thought so.

oldham new logo

Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!

How much for a logo?
Oldham have spent £100k on this new logo.

Apparently it's real

True email sent to the force, lengthy but absolutely brilliantly written.....


Anonymised correspondence from a member of the public

Dear Sir/madam/automated telephone answer service


Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Leith police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this meassage on to your colleagues in Leith by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or ouji board.

As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in West Cromwell Street which is just off Commercial Street in Leith. Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout the entire building. This game is now in it's third week and as I am unsure how the scoring system works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon. The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed. I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of calor gas that is lying on it's side between the two bins. If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches.

Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the kitchen. What I suggest is this: after replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.

I trust that when I take a clawhammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me.

I remain sir, your obedient servant
>?????????

The Reply

Mr ??????,

I have read your e-mail and understand you frustration at the problems caused by youth playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police.

As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you.

Should you wish to discuss the matter,please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.

Regards


PC ???
Community Beat Officer


Dear PC ?????


First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my original e-mail. 16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal
record for Leith Police station and rest assured that I will forward these details to Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next Guinness Book of Records.

Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has it's own community beat officer. May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert skills. In the five or so years I have lived in West Cromwell Street, I have never seen you. Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and infiltrated the gang itself? Are you the one with the acne and the moustache on his forehead or the one with a chin like a wash hand basin? It's surely only a matter of time before you are headhunted by MI5.

Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place in Leith such as smoking in a public place or being Muslim without due care and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using words of no more than two syllables at a time) to these tw*ts that they might want to play their strange football game elsewhere. The pitch behind the Citadel or the one at DKs are both within spitting distance as is the bottom of the Albert Dock.

Should you wish to discuss these matters further you should feel free to contact me on ??? ????. If after 25 minutes I have still failed to answer, I'll buy you a large one in the Compass Bar.


Regards
???????

P.S If you think that this is sarcasm, think yourself lucky that you don't work for the cleansing department.

Crossings

You know the ones with a button. That you look at the red man across the road and then he changes to the green man and the noise starts you cross the road?

The old fashioned ones.

The ones they've replaced with the awful ones with the button panel having the man in and no noise is ever made.
They're awful! They make no sense! Am I crossing the road wrong if I think it's stupid to have to stare at the little box to my side rather than across the road?

Bring back the proper ones where you can stare across the road waiting for the green man to flash!

Pregnancy tests

1 in 4 women can't read a traditional pregnancy test.

So don't let them breed.

Smaller wine bottles

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2008/feb/29/health.healthandwellbeing
the guardian's got an article

Smaller wine bottles could cut alcohol consumption, says journal

Well clearly this is insane! What would stop someone having two bottles of wine instead?

Why aren't they blaming glass size too?

Are we worried about binge drinkers? Because a couple of glasses a wine doesn't feel like a binge. Is it that once you've started your lack of self control means you just drink the rest of it?
If so, then surely your problem is with yourself rather than the wine bottle size?